To my oldest daughters…

Recently, something I had been praying for and advocating for finally came to fruition. I was grateful and glad, but my face wasn’t quite reflecting it, and my mind was still preparing for the next issue. And in that moment, I realized something about myself:

I’m still looking for something wrong even when things go right.

Sometimes, we become so accustomed to living in survival mode that our minds are constantly trying to fix a problem, anticipate a problem, or figure out what needs to happen next.

And there’s nothing wrong with being proactive, resilient, or adaptable. But when you can’t seem to turn off the worry, when you’re constantly trying to make everybody else comfortable at the expense of your own peace, when you’re always saying yes when you need to say no because you don’t want to be uncomfortable, create tension, or even feel unsafe, it’s worth pausing and asking yourself: Am I living, or am I just managing everything around me, and out of fear and overstimulation?

Sometimes, we carry burdens God has been asking us to surrender because we feel responsible for fixing everything and everyone around us. We anticipate problems because we want to be prepared. We suppress our feelings to keep the peace. We overextend ourselves because saying no feels harder than saying yes.

But oldest daughter, you are allowed to breathe, too.

You can be responsible without being responsible for everything. You can love your family without carrying every burden. You can be strong and still admit that you’re tired. You can be grateful for what God has done without immediately bracing yourself for what might go wrong next.

Take the contents of your heart to God, including the worries, fears, frustrations, and things you don’t always know how to articulate. Give yourself permission to be honest with Him and allow Him to meet you where you are.

Healing may mean learning to release the need to anticipate everything, establishing boundaries, allowing yourself to feel your emotions, and trusting God even when you don’t have every answer.

You don’t have to spend your peace in advance worrying about what tomorrow might bring.

Today, may we learn to recognize what’s going right, receive the joy in front of us, and surrender what was never ours to carry alone.

May God help us move beyond merely surviving and learn to live, love, rest, establish healthy boundaries, and experience His joy more fully. One day at a time.

Sincerely,

Tannika 💜