Self-Control – Tannika Nikeya

Two guys, both on their way to court to go before the judge for various reasons, are involved in a fender bender. One, Doyle (Samuel L. Jackson), wants to exchange information and follow proper protocol. But, the other guy, Gavin (Ben Affleck), is in such a hurry to get to court. He, Gavin, is a lawyer representing a case but not in an honest way. The other man, Doyle, is headed to court to fight to stay in his sons’ lives. Gavin is in such a hurry that he does not oblige Doyle. So, Gavin takes off leaving Doyle on the highway stranded. Subsequently, Doyle arrives late for court and things do not go in his favor.

From there, things spiral out of control, and both parties take revenge as one man fights for his children and the other fights to get back a crucial file for his case. Both men are having the worst day of their lives, yet are full of pride that is bringing out the worst in both of them. This movie is like an emotional roller coaster.

I learned, however, three things from this movie. The first thing I learned is that we must slow down. Rushing can hinder us from thinking and responding carefully. It also can hinder our ability to listen to understand. Had the lawyer who although needed to be in court slowed down to follow the proper protocol the events might have been slightly different. Plus some car accidents happen because some one is in a rush. The second thing I learned is that we must not hinder someone from trying to do the right thing. The lawyer wants to give the father a check and call it a day. For some people that check would suffice but the father wants to follow the proper protocol following a car accident. He wants to do what he knows is right. The third thing I learned is that revenge and lies lead to one bad choice after the other. The lawyer keeps making one bad choice after the other, telling one lie after the other until he is in so deep. The father keeps making choices to seek revenge and it is making his situation even worse. One could argue it is the lawyer’s fault; however, at the end of the day we all are responsible for the choices we make.

So, without telling how the end goes if you have not seen the movie, these two men have some decisions to make. Or will this spiral so far out of control that both men will lose completely? Changing Lanes (2002) is a good movie and it makes one think about how he/she will respond. You can check this movie out on Amazon Prime.

Signing out,

Tannika

Not often do I hear men say, “ladies first” when it is time to board the bus. So, on one particular morning this week, I was elated to see one guy lead by example and let the ladies on first. But after a couple or few of us proceeded onto the bus, commotion broke out behind me as I walked to my seat. When I turned around, there was an older gentleman who was already on the bus with the bus driver when we boarded trying to stop an altercation from escalating. Even moreso, he stood in front of a young lady, who I believe was a teen, and was trying to block and stop a man from hitting her. The man was the same one who had just let the ladies go first. Why they were fighting, I do not know exactly. He said that she hit him first and she said something about he said ladies first and something about tapping her bus card against the machine.

As security from the transportation station stepped in, it calmed down a bit but the argument started back up as the man boarded the bus and he went to the back. Both the man and the young lady were angry but I noticed his voice sounded more emotional. As their argument continued and the man got up out of his seat and moved forward towards the young lady, the older gentleman who had helped prior came to the back, blocked him again and prohibited him from going any further. The young lady remained seated although she was arguing back. The security guard came to the back too to intervene. The older gentleman kept telling the man, “bro, let it go.” The man turned on the older gentleman saying something like “you’re not my bro and why do black people keep hurting me.”

I then realized this man not only was angered but he had been triggered. I don’t know what really started the altercation between he and the young lady but both could have acted differently for a much better outcome. However, the man, who was also Black like the rest of us on the bus, was the adult and he should have really let it go so it wouldn’t have escalated. And no way should a grown man be hitting a young lady or calling her out of her name which he did.

I know that Black men endure a lot in this world day by day. I also know that sometimes they face a cruel and unfair justice system and just as much plight and hopelessness as any other man. But some Black men must remember Black women have to endure a great deal too in this world. And we are to be protected and respected also. Moreover, with the state of this world and the fact that we are living in the last days, a lot of people are walking around angry and with a chip on their shoulder. We are beyond stressed and triggered with even the smallest things. Nonetheless, we must build our self-control and empathy. And we have to pursue and promote healing individually and as a whole. I believe God has me in a season of healing. I have discovered areas of brokenness in my life that God wants to heal me of, thanks to God.

Don’t dismiss your pain. Don’t dismiss another person’s pain either. Address it and let God provide you with the healing you need. Even if you get no closure from others, you can get it from God.

We cannot walk around with chips on our shoulders and be ticking time bombs. And we cannot move forward from something that has never been fully addressed. That is why some people don’t understand why some people can’t move forward (although there are other factors why also) from a loss or traumatic event. Some people say Black people should stop talking about slavery. But if it has never fully been addressed and acknowledged with true empathy and understanding, then how can we? So, we have to address the pain and not let it turn into a bomb. Even God addresses and acknowledges the circumstances and pain in our lives, but with the intent to heal and grow us and impact others for good.

Anyway, there is so much rage and pain in this world. Many human beings, no matter their nationality, ethnicity, social or class status are being consumed by anger. But Jesus came to give us life and life to the full and it is receivable through His salvation and your surrender. He knew we would have storms and issues in our lives. He knew this world was a hot mess and broken. But His truth, life and way are our shields. His Holy Spirit is our comforter and His Father has the last say. He is our defender and present help in the time of trouble.

I was glad that the older gentleman intervened and tried to calm the man down and get him to control himself. I reiterate that we have to pursue and promote healing. And yes God can grow you and heal you during your storm! So, where can we begin.

Get therapy or find a support group and build a support system.
Face the truth. Receive the truth. If there is a problem, are you avoiding it? Where do you need healing? What boundaries do you need to set? Do you have anger issues? What are your insecurities shouting? What in this world is bothering you? You can take the answer to this and work towards being a part of the solution and it can lead you to your purpose.
Embark on a healing journey. Ask God to show you what that looks like. What do you need to heal from, and work towards facing, releasing it in a healthy manner, and growing from? Get scriptures about healing in the particular areas you need healing in.
Make a choice to heal and to grow daily .
Practice self-control and feeling your emotions and then steward over them in a healthy way. If you are angry, don’t hold it in but find ways to release it in a safe and healthy way. You can also practice calming techniques such as counting to ten or taking deep breaths until you can sift through the anger, address or find the problem, and then find the solutions.

Im not a psychologist or therapist but I do know we all need healing from something.

Do you have a chip on your shoulder? Are you on a journey of healing? What does that look like for those who may not be on this particular journey now? How can you be intentional in pursuing healing and growth, and why is God leading this pursuit so important?