Category Archives: Insecurities
Sometimes, you can lose your self. And even your confidence. Sometimes, the enemy’s lies start getting louder than the truth of God. Or your confidence never fully bloomed from the start. May you see yourself through the eyes of God. May you come to love yourself because God first loved you and His love for you is beyond measure. May you remember your worth is not predicated upon what you do or what titles you bear. May you heal and exhale in the presence of a gracious and patient God. May you remember you are fearfully and wonderfully made. May you walk into the room with the brightest smile, a persevering and resilient attitude, and a peaceful heart as you learn to trust God through each day.
Here is a snippet of my poem, titled Real Confidence.
…When my confidence enters the room
May it be quiet, regal, and signaturely pleasant
As a sweet, elegant perfume
When I put on the shoes I can fit
I will walk confident
I too have fallen short of the glory of God
But I was heaven sent
…I am heaven sent
To read the beginning of this poem and more, get your copy of Bring It To The Surface Poetry & Journal. Available on Amazon now!
Playing Back Your Mental Tape (Bring It To The Surface)
After coming across and watching several videos lately on pretty privilege, colorism, anxiety, and a variety of life topics, I realize how brave many people are to address or express their experiences or views on such. And then I think about my own experiences in life and realize that we all have some things on our mental tape (minds and hearts) to deal with. What views and perspectives did you come to take on about yourself? How did your experiences shape how you see yourself? What patterns, traumas and events in your life fuel the way you approach life, family, work?
I thought about how certain things have been on my mental tape. Some have stopped playing. Some are rewinded back. Some are being scratched out and recorded over. But there are many things on it. And I suppose there are many things on yours. I was once asked when I was young if I was adopted or found somewhere (I am not adopted; I am my mother’s daughter). At the time, out of my mom and sister, I was the only one who was of a medium brown complexion. I don’t remember all of what I felt. But I do remember that it stuck with me and when I went home, I told my mom. And I remember a family member having my other family members laughing at me saying basically I smelled (I don’t think I did; I hope I didn’t lol, but I was a kid). I cried that night. And I forgot that when I told an adult the next day what happened that night, there was complete silence. Another time, in high school, I remember boarding a school bus to head to our homecoming game and one of my classmates came to sit by me.
Another classmate who came to sit across from him asked him why was he sitting next to me. I remained quiet but that too stuck with me. I was determined to have a good time at the game and show school spirit that I decided not to dwell on it. Fast forward to an adult, there was a smear campaign against me at work I had to endure that I thought I would never get through. I cried on a regular and was so hurt. There is heartbreak I had to endure from my first serious relationship. I remember he broke up with me over the phone. I remembered feeling like can he hurry it up. Just get it over with. I was angry and hurt. As soon as we ended the call, I remember looking out the window of the rear end of the bus. I was so glad I had chose the seat at the very back because I silently cried my heart out. Tears streamed down my face.
There are countless childhood and adulthood memories that as I typed were popping up in my mind. However, I am grateful for the healing journey that I am on and most likely will continue throughout my life. And that is okay. Growth and healing is and should be constant. I am also grateful that I don’t dwell on these things nor bear unforgiveness towards those who have played a part in these events that have left hurt or trauma in my heart.
Thanks to the Holy Spirit, the grace to do the healing homework and commitment to stay on the journey, I have learned some of the triggers to my anxiety. I have learned more about my flaws and why I may respond the way I do. I have learned some of my self-perceptions. I have felt not worthy and sometimes not pretty enough. I have felt like I have to give more, do more and be more to be enough (not all the time but I have noticed that this is how I generally feel). But God. Renewing my mind is crucial. Saturating in the Word of God is imperative. Learning to see myself in the eyes of God and love myself with His love can help me not only process what is on my mental tape but also add new things to it that will remind me I am enough. I am loved.
Moreover, this is not a woe is me message. I do have self esteem and confidence (this is growing). I do have happy moments and memories in my childhood and adulthood. I do have those who have affirmed me and supported me. But like any human, I have had and have still trauma and pain, disappointments and heartbreaks that I too have to heal and grow from. And in order to heal, you have to be able to allow some things to come to the surface. You can’t keep pain, old patterns, and feelings bottled up and hidden. Allow God to bring them to the surface. Safely explore these to see what is holding up the strongholds and generational curses in your life as well as feelings of not feeling like you are enough, anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness in your heart and mind.
Have these conversations with God first, yourself, with a therapist and someone you can trust. Let the healing journey begin.
Bring It To The Surface Poetry & Journal available now at Amazon.
Bring It To The Surface Bible Reading Plan
We lose a lot of things along the way in our journeys of life like confidence and hope, and sometimes ourselves. Some of us are fighting to regain our health mentally or physically. Some of us are carrying loads of pain and hiding behind masks, no pun intended. But God! He wants us to heal. He wants us to grow. He wants us to be free. I am so excited to bring to you this Bible Reading Plan titled after my latest book, Bring It To The Surface. So, grab your bible and I pray you allow God to bring some things to the surface so that your healing and recovery can start today. And for those already on your healing journeys, I pray this encourages you to not abandon the process and to seek and trust God one day at a time. It is a five day reading plan and its purpose is to guide you towards seeking God for your healing and recovery. So, welcome and enjoy, and let’s draw near to God who loves us beyond measure.
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Available now on Amazon!
Let It Surface
I am so excited about completing my new book. I didn’t know it would lead to the theme it has now, but God has me on a healing journey and the title change was so imperative. This healing journey has been one that has been lengthy, uncomfortable, challenging, yet imperative, enlightening, and such a blessing. I have discovered, thanks to the Holy Spirit and His grace to not abandon the process as well as so many things about myself. I have learned some triggers to my anxiety and where certain fears began. I am also learning to trust God and receive His unfailing love. I am learning to see myself the way God does. Moreover, prayer, learning to be transparent with God as well with others, facing my fears (one at a time), the Word of God, therapy, learning to be more present with myself, others and God are some things that have been crucial to this journey. (Note: I am still a work in progress.) Writing is another component of this journey and it has served as an outlet to express myself, learn, and cope. I have realized that my writing also serves as a tool to encourage others. My book, Bring It To The Surface, is not only full of poetic inspiration and encouragement but a journal to help you too to start your journey of healing and provide a space for self-reflection.
If you are feeling empty or lost, hurt or hopeless, stripped or depleted, know God who began a good work in you shall continue to perform it until the day of Christ Jesus. Know that He will also never leave you, nor forsake you. Whatever it is the enemy has killed, stolen, and destroyed in your life, God can revive, recover, and restore. And in order to heal and receive the abundant life Jesus came to give us, we have to allow God to bring some things to the surface. We can trust God who first loved us and gave His only begotten Son in order for you and me to have an eternal love and life. So, let the healing begin. Confess it, express it and then address it. God can handle your pain and God can provide the answers you need. I am so excited for this book to reach your hands and heart, and I pray you allow God to bring some things to the surface.
Watch “Bring It To The Surface” on YouTube
Hey loves, please watch, share, and like my new video/recording of my new poem Bring It To The Surface.
Click on the link below⬇
Do You Have A Chip On Your Shoulder
Not often do I hear men say, “ladies first” when it is time to board the bus. So, on one particular morning this week, I was elated to see one guy lead by example and let the ladies on first. But after a couple or few of us proceeded onto the bus, commotion broke out behind me as I walked to my seat. When I turned around, there was an older gentleman who was already on the bus with the bus driver when we boarded trying to stop an altercation from escalating. Even moreso, he stood in front of a young lady, who I believe was a teen, and was trying to block and stop a man from hitting her. The man was the same one who had just let the ladies go first. Why they were fighting, I do not know exactly. He said that she hit him first and she said something about he said ladies first and something about tapping her bus card against the machine.
As security from the transportation station stepped in, it calmed down a bit but the argument started back up as the man boarded the bus and he went to the back. Both the man and the young lady were angry but I noticed his voice sounded more emotional. As their argument continued and the man got up out of his seat and moved forward towards the young lady, the older gentleman who had helped prior came to the back, blocked him again and prohibited him from going any further. The young lady remained seated although she was arguing back. The security guard came to the back too to intervene. The older gentleman kept telling the man, “bro, let it go.” The man turned on the older gentleman saying something like “you’re not my bro and why do black people keep hurting me.”
I then realized this man not only was angered but he had been triggered. I don’t know what really started the altercation between he and the young lady but both could have acted differently for a much better outcome. However, the man, who was also Black like the rest of us on the bus, was the adult and he should have really let it go so it wouldn’t have escalated. And no way should a grown man be hitting a young lady or calling her out of her name which he did.
I know that Black men endure a lot in this world day by day. I also know that sometimes they face a cruel and unfair justice system and just as much plight and hopelessness as any other man. But some Black men must remember Black women have to endure a great deal too in this world. And we are to be protected and respected also. Moreover, with the state of this world and the fact that we are living in the last days, a lot of people are walking around angry and with a chip on their shoulder. We are beyond stressed and triggered with even the smallest things. Nonetheless, we must build our self-control and empathy. And we have to pursue and promote healing individually and as a whole. I believe God has me in a season of healing. I have discovered areas of brokenness in my life that God wants to heal me of, thanks to God.
Don’t dismiss your pain. Don’t dismiss another person’s pain either. Address it and let God provide you with the healing you need. Even if you get no closure from others, you can get it from God.
We cannot walk around with chips on our shoulders and be ticking time bombs. And we cannot move forward from something that has never been fully addressed. That is why some people don’t understand why some people can’t move forward (although there are other factors why also) from a loss or traumatic event. Some people say Black people should stop talking about slavery. But if it has never fully been addressed and acknowledged with true empathy and understanding, then how can we? So, we have to address the pain and not let it turn into a bomb. Even God addresses and acknowledges the circumstances and pain in our lives, but with the intent to heal and grow us and impact others for good.
Anyway, there is so much rage and pain in this world. Many human beings, no matter their nationality, ethnicity, social or class status are being consumed by anger. But Jesus came to give us life and life to the full and it is receivable through His salvation and your surrender. He knew we would have storms and issues in our lives. He knew this world was a hot mess and broken. But His truth, life and way are our shields. His Holy Spirit is our comforter and His Father has the last say. He is our defender and present help in the time of trouble.
I was glad that the older gentleman intervened and tried to calm the man down and get him to control himself. I reiterate that we have to pursue and promote healing. And yes God can grow you and heal you during your storm! So, where can we begin.
- Get therapy or find a support group and build a support system.
- Face the truth. Receive the truth. If there is a problem, are you avoiding it? Where do you need healing? What boundaries do you need to set? Do you have anger issues? What are your insecurities shouting? What in this world is bothering you? You can take the answer to this and work towards being a part of the solution and it can lead you to your purpose.
- Embark on a healing journey. Ask God to show you what that looks like. What do you need to heal from, and work towards facing, releasing it in a healthy manner, and growing from? Get scriptures about healing in the particular areas you need healing in.
- Make a choice to heal and to grow daily .
- Practice self-control and feeling your emotions and then steward over them in a healthy way. If you are angry, don’t hold it in but find ways to release it in a safe and healthy way. You can also practice calming techniques such as counting to ten or taking deep breaths until you can sift through the anger, address or find the problem, and then find the solutions.
Im not a psychologist or therapist but I do know we all need healing from something.
Do you have a chip on your shoulder? Are you on a journey of healing? What does that look like for those who may not be on this particular journey now? How can you be intentional in pursuing healing and growth, and why is God leading this pursuit so important?
God Is More Than Enough
This morning I was led to reflect on and search the scriptures about the following:
God is more than enough.
Thoughts of insignificancy ravages many of our minds. They repeat over and over again that “I’m not good enough”, “I don’t have much”, “they have more or it all”, “I won’t make it”, “if only I had more of”, “I am nothing without him/her/this career/this title”. We are constantly being delivered messages from the enemy, our pasts, our fears and failures, those around us and from what we see on television or on social media. Our past and present can bombard us with reminders of what we need or think we need, what we lost or what we are losing. Moreover, those messages we get from television or social media try to convince us, and often times succeed, that we are only somebody when we have this or that. However, those things will never be enough because those gratifications may satisfy us and give us a temporary fulfillment but not a lasting, deep fulfillment. I have learned that true fulfillment can only come through the One who created us and first loved us–God.
When I started pondering about “God is more than enough” and searching the scriptures, the chorus or hook of a song popped into my head. It is a Hip Hop song, titled You’re All I Need, whose hook was based from a greater oldie titled You’re All I Need To Get By by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell. The Hip Hop song is rapped and sung by Method Man and Mary J. Blige. This is one of my Hip Hop faves.
“You’re alll I needddd…to get byyyy iii iii.”
I began singing this to God noting that God is more than enough. He is the Source to my resources. He is my Father, my Maker, my First Love, my Present Help in the time of trouble. My Shield, my Protector, my Provider, the One who breathes life into me every day. The One who gave His only begotten Son so I could have true and eternal life and reconciliation back with Him. He is the only One that brings stability and certainty to my life in a world that is broken and uncertain. He is the One that apart from Him I can do nothing. He is the One who loves me unfailingly and beyond measure. He is the One who gives me mercies daily, forgives me, and nurtures me through life and a world that can break me and discard me.
I researched scriptures to see where in God’s Word it confirmed God is more than enough and these are some scriptures that stood out:
- Genesis 33:11 reminds me that because of God’s graciousness I have more than enough. How has God been gracious to you? Find the glory of God displayed in also the small things. What spiritual gifts, talents, opportunities, blessings has God given you that give God glory and exude God’s nature as well as His love for you and others?
- John 3:16 reminds me that God sacrificed so greatly for me because He thought I (and you) was more than enough. We were of such great worth to Him that He would give someone of such great worth to Himself, His only Son, to die for you and me. For that God is more than enough. His love is unmeasurable, unmatchable, and unfailing. How has God’s love and sacrifice made a difference in your life? Why may God’s love be more than enough in your life? What would life be like without the blood of Jesus?
- The entire Psalms 23 reminds me that God is more than enough. This psalm helps identify how much of a blessing and necessity God’s existence and presence is to me and my life. He’s all I need to get by. He’s all I need to survive. God is not just my provider but resting place. My shield, my present help in the time of trouble, the source to my resources. What needs of yours has God met this week? Why is believing and embracing God as more than enough than seeking fulfillment in things and others? How does Psalm 23 reassure you that God is with you and more than enough?
- I found other scriptures that reminds me that God is more than enough but I don’t want to be too lengthy. What scriptures can you find that remind you that God is more than enough?
I leave you with these other words from the interlude verse of Mary J. Blige. Sing these words today to the Lord. He is more than enough. He deserves your quality time, worship, and full surrender.
Like sweet morning dew
I took one look at you
And it was plain to see
You were my destiny
With you I’ll spend my time
I’ll dedicate my life, I’ll sacrifice for you
Dedicate my life to you
Happy Saturday loves,
Put your shoes on honey, our journeys await!
Tannika’s Free Writing & Flash Fiction: Can You Find Yourself?
Welcome to my series where I will be free writing and writing flash fiction to have fun, to regain my discipline as a frequent writer, and to stretch and strengthen my writing skills.
Can you find yourself in all of what you want them to see?
Will you still feel good about yourself,
When social media doesnt appease?
When the lights turn out and the applause stops,
Will you still be the one who rocks?
When social media exposes you for who you really are,
And you dont look up to par,
Will you realize you are beautiful and raise the bar?
Are you limiting your greatness by living up to others’ standards?
Are you still successful, even when it looks different from theirs? Will you still commit to fulfilling the task, even if no one cares?
Are you goals when your goals are not always coming to pass?
Can you still value your relationship, if your relationship is not within the Relationship Goals Class?
Will you use your platforms also for right and to uplift others?
Will you measure yourself by the standard of His Word and not another?
Will you care more about the likes or care to like yourself?
Will you find your purpose or imitate someone else?
Will social media and fear of man rule your life?
Will you spend time building your brand,
But never the heart of your family and friends?
Can you strive for greatness but be brave enough to show your imperfections, hardships, and flaws?
Will you stand out in a world of counterfeits, lookalikes, and conditional love and conditional applause?
If you liked this poem, please check out my poetry books!
Wearing Someone Else’s Shoes Ain’t Never Been Me
If you can identify with this poem and really need to get back to or start learning to embrace your imperfections, love yourself, overcome your fear of man, see yourself the way God does and grow from there, please share this poem but also begin the mission of doing these things that I just mentioned.
The other day I was feeling myself. Someone gave me a pair of jeans they no longer could fit and I rocked them with one of my new lace blazers. I have been wearing my hair in crocheted twists and I had on my new purple lip color. So, I felt confident and pretty. It was a big deal to me because I recently had been testifying how God brought me through another up and down year last year, one in which I lost my confidence and had cried many mornings.
As I was walking down the street to work, a male passenger of a passing car yells out the window “you got some big lips”. Why? Don’t know. Was he actually saying, hey, you got big lips, but they’re nice? Don’t know? All I know is I kept thinking about what he said.
I even checked my lips in my phone’s camera. Then I had to remind myself “my lips ain’t big and even if they were.” I have beautiful full lips. Some may think they are not full enough and others may think they are big. Who cares! God made them just the way they are and they are the perfect size to complement my teeth, creating an awesome smile. I love my smile.
I almost let what he said ruin my morning. I almost accepted that negativity that was thrown my way. So, if someone says something negative to you or criticizes you, reject it and remember you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Walk humbly with your head up.
And if you think to criticize someone, STOP! Don’t help add to someone’s insecurities and don’t be the reason behind the beginning of someone’s insecurities.