Whew. After an evening of trying on new clothes, I found myself sitting on the edge of my bed, feeling emotional.  I noticed the changes in my body—some weight gain, more visible cellulite, and the lump under my underarm that has increased in size. On top of that, I’ve been experiencing some discomfort in my legs and hips, stiffness in my feet, and what might be the return of sciatica from my accident two years ago.

I’m not quick to claim illness or fatigue (my mother’s voice in my head still warns against that), but I do want to be more intentional about paying attention to what my body is telling me—and figuring out how to care for it as I move forward.

I’ve been stretching daily and exercising almost every day since my arm healed from a recent injury. I still get plenty of walking in by taking public transportation and walking the dog every day.

Despite that, this recent weight gain and recurring pain have been the hardest to shake. I’m planning to schedule an appointment soon with my new primary care doctor. In the past, I’ve felt gaslit during doctor visits, which made it harder to seek help.

I have ordered vitamins/supplements and the occasional workout gadget or piece of equipment, hoping that it makes much of a difference and because of my love for self care. I even cut out ice cream—aside from one family function—and I’ve been eating more fruits, vegetables, and salads (Caesar salads are my favorite) more frequently.

I wonder if I don’t give up hope and continue with my efforts as well as continue my healing journey mentally and spiritually, will next year be a year when the extra weight falls off, the lump gone, and little to no pain. In the meantime, I pray I embrace the changes to my body as well as fight through the pain. I  will leave this here, but I may delete it soon.