Sometimes what people say sparks judgment… or it sparks reflection. Here’s what Ayesha Curry reminded me about fulfillment, identity, and walking with God through it all.
Ayesha Curry is being dragged online for saying she never wanted to be married or have children — that she wanted to be a “career girl.”
It made me think of these statements I heard before: that a curly-haired person often wants straight hair, and the one with straight hair often wants curls. The single woman may envy the married one, and the married woman may envy the single one. You get the point — so many of us wrestle with some kind of discontentment, and we never really know deep down what is going on with someone or what is happening behind the closed doors of their homes.
So, instead of joining the dragging, I felt led to turn this into a moment of reflection — and encouragement.
Ayesha isn’t the first woman to express this kind of longing or unfulfillment. But she must be careful about oversharing and processing deeply personal pain in public spaces. She’s mentioned going to therapy, which is good — but I hope she’s also doing the heart work with God. Because therapy is helpful, but true healing happens when we let Jesus into the process.
When I’ve had to face my own pain, I’ve asked God to show me the root causes — the “why” behind the hurt — and to lead me forward. Healing with Him hits differently.
Here are a few lessons I’ve learned that I think we as women — especially Christian women — can remember when we feel unfulfilled or lost:
1. Only God can fulfill you. No person, title, or situation can do what only the Creator can.
2. Nobody can keep you happy forever. Happiness is fleeting. True joy is rooted in God, not in circumstances.
3. Know who you are outside of your roles. You are more than your job, your family, or your church position.
4. Rediscover what lights you up. Don’t get lost in others’ expectations. Find your God-given passions and purpose.
5. Don’t make “the good girl,” “church girl,” or “career woman” your identity. Those are titles, not your essence.
Note: this is not saying go out and sin. It is not saying go out and be wordly. It is not saying that “good girl,” “church girl,” or “career woman,” are bad. But what it is saying is your identity should not be wrapped up in these titles, positions, etc.
Your true identity is found in Christ. And if we fail to maintain perfection, some of us will be crushed under a false standard of perfection that can never be obtained. Instead aim to make right decisions, not forsake the assembling of ourselves with other believers, live life on purpose and in purpose. Aim to please God and not man. Aim to live a life that is full and enriched.
6. Embrace all of life’s seasons. The dull and hard ones often teach us the most about ourselves and about God.
7. Evolve and grow. You won’t be the same ten years from now as you are today. Let God continue shaping your heart to reflect His Son.
8. Reinvent yourself if you need to.
If you know you want a simpler lifestyle or to grow more confident, take steps toward creating the life you need — one that also honors God. Maybe you want to freshen up your wardrobe, travel more, or step into your “rich auntie” era — do it! Just check your motives.
Are you doing it to seek validation only, prove something, or outshine someone? If so, pause and reflect. But if you’re doing it because you’re healing, growing, and wanting to live more fully, go for it.
And don’t allow people to box you in. You don’t have to stay stuck in who you used to be or in the image others have of you. Grow, evolve, and glow up — with God leading the way.
9. Develop a heart of gratitude. But don’t neglect the room for grieving the life you thought you should have had, or wanted, or have yet to experience within your healing journey. Sometimes we don’t know what we truly want when we’re younger. Grieving is natural and necessary, but there are things, some so small yet so monumental, to be grateful for.
10. Be quick to listen and slow to speak.
And get back to living. Sometimes we need to hear our own pain. And sometimes we need to refrain from constantly rehearsing our pain and get back up and live — living the life that allows us to breathe again. Not perform. Not live in someone else’s image of us. Not constantly going and never stopping to rest and enjoy that which or who is around us.
So be encouraged, Ayesha — and to the rest of the ladies who may also feel lost, unfulfilled, or just need to get off the spinning wheel or out of the box of the world or others’ expectations.
Tannika Nikeya 