Category Archives: Relationships

04.17.26
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Valley Hills Apartments Series: Sleeping With My Sister’s Man

Sometimes, the best wisdom comes from women who have walked through the valley and are still learning to keep their eyes on the hills. Welcome to our new series: Valley Hill Apartments!

Sleeping With My Sister’s Man

Written by Deandrea Moore

Her name was Carmen. She was beautiful on the outside and in–a homegirl to men and women. Men found her attractive and intriguing, but never knew what to do with her, so they always opted for the route of using her. They treated her like a shiny trophy, something to be won and placed on a shelf to collect dust. A thing that’s value was wrapped in bragging rights. Carmen had a habit of being picky while simultaneously being an expert in picking wrong. It was something she had down to a science. It was like they had a sixth sense that let them know that she didn’t really value herself or have high standards. Although, she was a master of ‘faking it til you make it.’

So here comes this guy showing interest in her and at first Carmen plays it cool, hard to get. She tries to ignore him and mind her own business. He’s persistent, cool, and collected. So he not only catches, but holds her attention. This was a big deal considering sometimes her attention span could be short. She decides to give him a chance. They start having more conversations which leads to them hanging out. After a few times of hanging out they eventually open the door to adult activities. Now she’s in what one would call a trance–a state of delusion if you will. It’s got her thinking she likes him more than she actually does. She’s ignoring red flags and not thinking clearly. The door they opened had different things waiting on the other side. For him it was the feeling of uninterest after getting what he wanted.

For her it was heartbreak, especially because he’ll give up on true pursuit and never get to know how truly special she is. So since he never had real intentions for her and her self-esteem was down by the river, he treats her like a secret. Lucky for him she can keep it. Mind you there’s nothing wrong with Carmen. She just didn’t value herself enough to make him commit and claim her. So she lets him get away with treating her like that.

Now this is where things get sticky. The whole time she’s sleeping with him she’s unaware that this man is actually her sister’s. Knowing her even if she knew it was her sister’s man her thought process would probably be: “What would you have me do? I was sleeping with him before I knew about you. I mean you’ve got eyes, you can see. You know what he looks like. Plus, I didn’t chase him, he chased me.” Silly logic, I know. It makes sense to someone though. It made sense to Carmen. She wouldn’t care that it was her sister’s man. Getting her needs met and having her ego stroked were much higher on her priority list. And you wouldn’t be able to tell her this man wasn’t hers–delusion had already settled in. Him leaving her with forehead kisses only sealed her delusion. What her sister didn’t know wouldn’t hurt her anyway.

I’ll let you in on one more thing: Carmen’s sister wasn’t related by way of biology. They didn’t share a parent of any sort. She was her sister-in-Christ. The same God died for both their sins, so that made them kin. Carmen’s ‘sister’ hadn’t even found the man yet. That didn’t matter though. God never intended for them to get together. That was somebody else’s husband. Her husband was out there somewhere, but God wanted her to wait and save herself for him. Many of us are out here moving like Carmen. We don’t value ourselves or our bodies, so we allow men access that wasn’t truly earned. Opening doors that are harder to close than we think. We are sleeping with our sister’s man and delaying the process of not only the man meant for us to find us, but of him finding our sister. Once Carmen understood this she could navigate dating with intention and think of herself as something precious–to be treasured and stewarded over.

Sis, navigate dating with intention and remember that you are precious. Trust that you are not meant to be hidden, borrowed, or confused with someone else’s place. What God has for you will be clear, covered, and committed.

10.12.25
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Lessons on Unfulfillment & Growth

Sometimes what people say sparks judgment… or it sparks reflection. Here’s what Ayesha Curry reminded me about fulfillment, identity, and walking with God through it all.

Ayesha Curry is being dragged online for saying she never wanted to be married or have children — that she wanted to be a “career girl.”

It made me think of these statements I heard before: that a curly-haired person often wants straight hair, and the one with straight hair often wants curls. The single woman may envy the married one, and the married woman may envy the single one. You get the point — so many of us wrestle with some kind of discontentment, and we never really know deep down what is going on with someone or what is happening behind the closed doors of their homes.

So, instead of joining the dragging, I felt led to turn this into a moment of reflection — and encouragement.

Ayesha isn’t the first woman to express this kind of longing or unfulfillment. But she must be careful about oversharing and processing deeply personal pain in public spaces. She’s mentioned going to therapy, which is good — but I hope she’s also doing the heart work with God. Because therapy is helpful, but true healing happens when we let Jesus into the process.

When I’ve had to face my own pain, I’ve asked God to show me the root causes — the “why” behind the hurt — and to lead me forward. Healing with Him hits differently.

Here are a few lessons I’ve learned that I think we as women — especially Christian women — can remember when we feel unfulfilled or lost:

1. Only God can fulfill you. No person, title, or situation can do what only the Creator can.


2. Nobody can keep you happy forever. Happiness is fleeting. True joy is rooted in God, not in circumstances.


3. Know who you are outside of your roles. You are more than your job, your family, or your church position.


4. Rediscover what lights you up. Don’t get lost in others’ expectations. Find your God-given passions and purpose.


5. Don’t make “the good girl,” “church girl,” or “career woman” your identity. Those are titles, not your essence.

Note: this is not saying go out and sin. It is not saying go out and be wordly. It is not saying that “good girl,” “church girl,” or “career woman,” are bad. But what it is saying is your identity should not be wrapped up in these titles, positions, etc.
Your true identity is found in Christ. And if we fail to maintain perfection, some of us will be crushed under a false standard of perfection that can never be obtained. Instead aim to make right decisions, not forsake the assembling of ourselves with other believers, live life on purpose and in purpose. Aim to please God and not man. Aim to live a life that is full and enriched.


6. Embrace all of life’s seasons. The dull and hard ones often teach us the most about ourselves and about God.


7. Evolve and grow. You won’t be the same ten years from now as you are today. Let God continue shaping your heart to reflect His Son.


8. Reinvent yourself if you need to.
If you know you want a simpler lifestyle or to grow more confident, take steps toward creating the life you need — one that also honors God. Maybe you want to freshen up your wardrobe, travel more, or step into your “rich auntie” era — do it! Just check your motives.

Are you doing it to seek validation only, prove something, or outshine someone? If so, pause and reflect. But if you’re doing it because you’re healing, growing, and wanting to live more fully, go for it.

And don’t allow people to box you in. You don’t have to stay stuck in who you used to be or in the image others have of you. Grow, evolve, and glow up — with God leading the way.


9. Develop a heart of gratitude. But don’t neglect the room for grieving the life you thought you should have had, or wanted, or have yet to experience within your healing journey. Sometimes we don’t know what we truly want when we’re younger. Grieving is natural and necessary, but there are things, some so small yet so monumental, to be grateful for.


10. Be quick to listen and slow to speak.
And get back to living. Sometimes we need to hear our own pain. And sometimes we need to refrain from constantly rehearsing our pain and get back up and live — living the life that allows us to breathe again. Not perform. Not live in someone else’s image of us. Not constantly going and never stopping to rest and enjoy that which or who is around us.

So be encouraged, Ayesha — and to the rest of the ladies who may also feel lost, unfulfilled, or just need to get off the spinning wheel or out of the box of the world or others’ expectations.

08.24.24
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Group Outing/Movie Experience (The Forge)

I had not seen any promos about the film, so I did not know what to expect, and I didn’t even look up who produced it. I just knew it was a Christian film. I had attended one or two other Christian group film viewings before and have enjoyed it, so I had hopes I would enjoy this one.

Today, my nephew and I joined some of the members of my church and other sisters and brothers in Christ to see The Forge at a neighboring Marcus Theater. We were able to purchase our tickets as a group in advance. Prior to the start of the movie, our group was met with such a kind gesture and blessing: a fellow minister paid for our group’s popcorn and drink. A great kick-off to our afternoon and great group event.

Eight years after War Room, the Kendrick Brothers brought us another powerful movie called The Forge.

And must I add that the Kendrick Brothers once again did not disappoint. Some of the characters from War Room appeared in this film, but this is not a sequel to War Room.

The Kendrick Brothers produced another film with quality production, great acting, laughter, power, and impact. As Mr. Moore, played by Cameron Arnett, mentors Isaiah, I realized that his nuggets and advice about life and becoming a man was not just for Isaiah but for the audience, and I like to think moreso for young men. I was glad that I got a ticket for my nephew, and he was able to hear the same advice Isaiah was hearing. One of the questions Mr. Moore asks Isaiah is what type of man he wants to be.

The Forge is a film in which Isaiah, played by Aspen Kennedy, faces the challenge of steering his life from being irresponsible with a chip on his shoulder due to disappointment and hurt. His mother, played by Priscilla Shirer, doesn’t just challenge him but prays for him and even gets help from more prayer warriors. In The Forge, we are also reminded that the prayers of the righteous availeth much.

This film was embraced with hand claps on victorious moments, laughter, and some tears from me, and I am sure some others.

There are moments in the film that gave a Miss Clara and Elizabeth Jordan moment but also with the men. This film is a must-see for every Christian and also for those who are not. I definitely encourage men to go and see this film, too. I think it really did a good job showing scenes and moments of encouragement, brotherhood, mentorship, and fortitude for men as well as discipling others.

My nephew says he, too, liked the film. He says he even liked it better than War Room.

https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxeuHgeQ_PhwH2D_JkZeuMl-vlHyFx1ira?feature=shared

08.04.24
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Preparing Your Child For College (Repost)

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Originally posted July 31, 2018. Updates have been made.

This post features links to great products, and as an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission if you click and buy.

We have made it to August. Many families are getting ready to take road trips with necessities, fears, hopes, excitement, anxiety, goals, and dreams to college campuses all over the world. Your child made it through high school and is now about to step foot on a college campus to pursue their careers and dreams as well as develop more independence. So, how do you prepare your child for his/her big day? Here are ten ways to prepare your child for his/her move in day at college:

  1. Have all of their financial aid for school worked out. This doesn’t just apply to four-year schools, but two-year schools also. But I always tell my students that the first stop you make when you are moving on campus is the financial aid office for a follow-up. You want to know everything is clear, what monies are coming in and going out, or how much money you have to pay out of pocket regarding your tuition and fees. Moreover, months prior before starting school, have a FAFSA professional or your child’s high school counselor help you review your child’s financial aid award letter to make sure you and your child understand it. If you and/or your child are pulling any loans, make sure you have completed the Loan Entrance Counseling (studentloans.gov) as well as understand loans and how they work. You don’t want any financial stress added to his/her first year of college, through college, and even after college.
  2. Make sure your child actually applied to the school and has gotten accepted. I know this is a no-brainer. However, you would be surprised how students say they are going somewhere only to not have applied or read through all of their college mail and follow through their next steps.
  3. Attend orientation. If orientation is scheduled prior to move-in, please try your best to take advantage of this and go with your child. This is not only a very crucial informational session but a chance to settle any matters prior to move-in. It may also be a chance to get a tour or final tour, get met with a warm welcome, and be greeted with a kick-off celebration just for incoming freshmen and their families.
  4. Have a heart-to-heart, transparent talk about some issues that can arise at school and how to use effective problem solving. Give scenarios and talk about any mistakes you have made in college or during your teen and young adult years. Discuss your expectations, their expectations, their fears, etc.
  5. Teach him/her to not be afraid to ask for help. Also teach him/her how to be resourceful if he/she isn’t. A lot of students do not know how to navigate the campus for help and resources. Students can go to their school’s wellness center for counseling, advisement and dean’s office for issues with classes, their Dorm’s R.A. (Resident Assistant) for roommate issues, the financial aid office to sign up for work study and to inquire about scholarships and financial aid.
  6. Pay the housing fee. And make sure he/she gets to know his/her roommate via phone and/or social media. The schools have things set in place for your child to safely contact and get an overall sense of who his/her roommate may be. Your child also may have the opportunity to suggest or pick his/her roommate if a student he/she knows will be attending the same school and wants to roommate with that particular person.
  7. Make a list of items needed to move in for the first year of school. Have important documents pertaining to your child’s school in a special folder and handy. Obtain proper ID and parking passes if applied. Get and request gift cards if you prefer to buy necessities at a Walmart near or in the town of your child’s school campus when your child moves in and to have on hand when settled. Sometimes, this is less of a hassle than having to rent a truck or load lots of luggage in the back. See at the end of this post also for some great products. See this site for an example of a college packing list. https://www.society19.com/10-things-to-do-before-college-move-in-day/
  8. According to society19.com, you should also review school policy and guidelines with your child.
  9. Make a list of things you need to do before you all leave. And spend quality time with each other. Your child would want to spend time with friends too so make room for that.
  10. Pray with and over your child. Cover them with the blood of Jesus. Your child will be miles away from home but God is omnipresent and omniscient. He can be with you and your child at the same time. Trust in Him to never leave nor forsake your child.

Lastly, congratulations to all the 2024 GRADUATES (high school, college, kindergarten, apprenticeship programs)!!!!!!! Celebrate your accomplishments and thank God for giving you the grace to press through. I am so proud of you all. May God guide you, protect you, and may you trust and abide in the One who created us with love and purpose.

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12.27.23
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Still in the Christmas Spirit!

I’m still in the Christmas spirit and our tree is still up. Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas! Praying for peace and comfort for many of us who have lost loved ones, going through a hard time financially, or experiencing depression in this season.

God bless you!

Jesus is the reason for the season!!!

03.28.23
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Huh? Raising Relatives pt 2

Parenting (whether you are biological, foster, adoptive, legal guardian, or relative) has its challenges and ups and downs. And sometimes  non-traditional parents like foster, adoptive, relative/caregiving face a lot of judgments, backhanded compliments, curious questions, and criticism they don’t need. They don’t need to be asked questions that produce shame or offense and have no impact on the child’s well-being.

I am raising my nephew, and this week, I got offended, not the first time, but this time by a professional we had to see. Although he is not my son, he is still my child. I have raised him since a toddler, and I love him dearly, like my own. So, the professional asks me if her medical assistant addresses me as mom or aunt. I said, “mom.” I work in the education field, and when a student comes in to work with their female parent, I assume mom. That is just natural. I often learn after that the guardian/parent may be specifically a grandparent or foster mom raising the student. And, sometimes, I still call the female parent mom unless I hear the student or parent say otherwise. It really wouldn’t concern me what the specific title is of the parent or guardian is. It’s none of my business, as long as the student is safe, the person is actually on the school records as the parent/guardian or approved by the parent to temporarily advocate, and the student is on track academically and postsecondary-wise or getting the help to be on track.

Anyway, I was suggested by the professional who we were there to see to let her medical assistant know I am the aunt. My response was backed by confusion as to why it was necessary. However, my response was that I let people know that I am the aunt. The professional knew I was the aunt as it had been indicated. In fact, I have clarified with many people that he is my nephew.

Do I have to wear a sign that says “I am his aunt,” especially if paperwork states who I am and people close to us as well as other important people know that I am the aunt?

I have never forced my nephew to call me mom and in fact he is always auntie this and auntie that. Nor am I trying to replace his mom who is my sister and I also love dearly.  I may not be a biological parent or traditional one but I am a parent. And my mom did mention to me it is how you present yourself. I have not always been as confident as a parent or advocate as I should be. And so I as embarked on my healing journey, I too embarked on building my confidence and voice as a parent. I have to be the best advocate for my child who just so happens to be my nephew.

06.30.22
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Could The Healing Journey Be Causing A Strain on Your Relationships?

Sitting here pondering this. Could the healing journey be putting a strain on my relationships?

Setting boundaries and healing kind of put strains on your relationships for some reason, I suppose. Maybe it is because you are recognizing your triggers. Maybe it is because you are recognizing what behavior from others you no longer want to tolerate. Maybe it is because some people benefit from you staying the same. Maybe because other people may not be going through the healing process and seeing you go through yours may be foreign to them or uncomfortable to them also. If it is uncomfortable to you, I would assume it can be uncomfortable to those around you. I don’t know. Maybe because you are speaking up for your self now. Or you and your loved ones/relatives have different lifestyles or going in different directions now. Nonetheless, relationships take hard work. And the same mercy we are learning to give ourselves, we have to give others. And vice versa. But going through your own healing journey can be difficult on a relationship.

Extend mercy to your loved ones. Be patient with them. But also continue setting boundaries and healing with humility, self-care, forgiveness, God’s wisdom and grace.

And you and your loved ones must realize that healing, restoration, and living/functioning from such a state not only is beneficial to you but those around you.

Continue healing.

Persevere one day at a time! You got this!

What are your thoughts? Respond below.