Playing Back Your Mental Tape (Bring It To The Surface)

After coming across and watching several videos lately on pretty privilege, colorism, anxiety, and a variety of life topics, I realize how brave many people are to address or express their experiences or views on such. And then I think about my own experiences in life and realize that we all have some things on our mental tape (minds and hearts) to deal with. What views and perspectives did you come to take on about yourself? How did your experiences shape how you see yourself? What patterns, traumas and events in your life fuel the way you approach life, family, work?

I thought about how certain things have been on my mental tape. Some have stopped playing. Some are rewinded back. Some are being scratched out and recorded over. But there are many things on it. And I suppose there are many things on yours. I was once asked when I was young if I was adopted or found somewhere (I am not adopted; I am my mother’s daughter). At the time, out of my mom and sister, I was the only one who was of a medium brown complexion. I don’t remember all of what I felt. But I do remember that it stuck with me and when I went home, I told my mom. And I remember a family member having my other family members laughing at me saying basically I smelled (I don’t think I did; I hope I didn’t lol, but I was a kid). I cried that night. And I forgot that when I told an adult the next day what happened that night, there was complete silence. Another time, in high school, I remember boarding a school bus to head to our homecoming game and one of my classmates came to sit by me.

Another classmate who came to sit across from him asked him why was he sitting next to me. I remained quiet but that too stuck with me. I was determined to have a good time at the game and show school spirit that I decided not to dwell on it. Fast forward to an adult, there was a smear campaign against me at work I had to endure that I thought I would never get through. I cried on a regular and was so hurt. There is heartbreak I had to endure from my first serious relationship. I remember he broke up with me over the phone. I remembered feeling like can he hurry it up. Just get it over with. I was angry and hurt. As soon as we ended the call, I remember looking out the window of the rear end of the bus. I was so glad I had chose the seat at the very back because I silently cried my heart out. Tears streamed down my face.

There are countless childhood and adulthood memories that as I typed were popping up in my mind. However, I am grateful for the healing journey that I am on and most likely will continue throughout my life. And that is okay. Growth and healing is and should be constant. I am also grateful that I don’t dwell on these things nor bear unforgiveness towards those who have played a part in these events that have left hurt or trauma in my heart.

Thanks to the Holy Spirit, the grace to do the healing homework and commitment to stay on the journey, I have learned some of the triggers to my anxiety. I have learned more about my flaws and why I may respond the way I do. I have learned some of my self-perceptions. I have felt not worthy and sometimes not pretty enough. I have felt like I have to give more, do more and be more to be enough (not all the time but I have noticed that this is how I generally feel). But God. Renewing my mind is crucial. Saturating in the Word of God is imperative. Learning to see myself in the eyes of God and love myself with His love can help me not only process what is on my mental tape but also add new things to it that will remind me I am enough. I am loved.

Moreover, this is not a woe is me message. I do have self esteem and confidence (this is growing). I do have happy moments and memories in my childhood and adulthood. I do have those who have affirmed me and supported me. But like any human, I have had and have still trauma and pain, disappointments and heartbreaks that I too have to heal and grow from. And in order to heal, you have to be able to allow some things to come to the surface. You can’t keep pain, old patterns, and feelings bottled up and hidden. Allow God to bring them to the surface. Safely explore these to see what is holding up the strongholds and generational curses in your life as well as feelings of not feeling like you are enough, anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness in your heart and mind.

Have these conversations with God first, yourself, with a therapist and someone you can trust. Let the healing journey begin.

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Bring It To The Surface Poetry & Journal available now at Amazon.

Poetry, Some Wine, And A Lot Of Self-Love

Hey loves,

I am so excited about this next Q&A with new author, Deandrea Moore. She has always been a great writer and now she is an author. Her new book, I’ll Take Wine With That is available on Amazon right now and a must have. Go grab you a glass of wine or water, and come enjoy this Q&A with me and Deandrea.

Tannika: Hello Deandrea, how are you?

Deandrea: Hello, I’m doing fine, considering everything that’s going on in the world. Although things are crazy right now, I feel that I needed this time. I’ve definitely used it to my advantage.

Tannika: You just recently wrote and published your first book, I’ll Take Wine With That. Can you tell me about the process? What did you learn? What was challenging? And what were the fun parts?

Deandrea: Yes, I just recently published my first book and it was a process that started in September last year. I learned a lot about myself and gained confidence in my writing again, which was probably one of the most challenging parts. Coming up with the idea for the book, the table of contents and the poems themselves were the fun parts. Coming up with the table of contents felt like coming up with a track list for a CD, but I wanted to do that first to catch the vibe of the book I was going for. Although coming up with the poems was fun, it was also challenging. In some of the poems, I had to really allow myself to be vulnerable in my writing, which is a bit difficult for me. I also learned that there are so many different styles to writing and poetry.

Tannika: I find elements of vulnerability, femininity, transparency, courage and self-reflection. But I want to know what is the theme of your poetry book?

Deandrea: The theme of my book would definitely be self-reflection, but broken into different sections. I have a couple poems about love, intimacy, the other side of love, and seasons in life, and making progress.

Tannika: What is the other side of love?

Deandrea: The other side of love is just the parts we don’t want to have to deal with or what happens after love is over. That’s why the different poems in that section are about jealousy, wanting to go back (tempting), and heartbreak.

Tannika: Why did you name your book, I Will Take Wine With That?

Deandrea: I named my book I’ll Take Wine With That because I use to drink wine as a coping method when I was going through things. I started going to counseling and I now use it in a responsible way. I also had a glass during writing several of these poems. I love wine as well.

Tannika: What is your favorite wine? I love the cranberry wine from Cooper’s Hawk.

Deandrea: My favorite wine, if I’m going for something cheap and good, would be Oak Leaf’s White Zinfandel. If I’m going for something really sweet, then it would be Stella Rosa Peach or Carlos Rossi’s Sweet Red.

Tannika: You talked about being depressed and coping? Why is it important to have these discussions about mental health in the Black community?

Deandrea: Yes, I was depressed and using wine to cope. We need to start having these mental health conversations in the black community because we’re not immune to mental health issues. We think that we can handle things on our own or they’ll just go away, but they must be dealt with. When we don’t deal with things we pass them down or we lose lives. Also, when we make sure our minds are healthy, then we can progress.

Tannika: You have beautiful poems and are a great writer! How has writing also helped you?

Deandrea: Writing has helped me to release some feelings I had inside. It has also helped me to gain confidence, not just in writing but in myself. Lastly, writing has helped me to be a little more open and vulnerable with others, but still protective of myself.

Tannika: One of your poems is titled Self-Love Story? What advice would you give young ladies to develop self-love and genuine confidence?

Deandrea: Yes, Self-Love Story is one of my favorite poems because this year is dedicated to that and getting back my self confidence. Advice I would give to young ladies would be to always make sure your cup is the first one you pour into, because if your cup is empty then you’ll find yourself drained trying to pour into others. I would also say to be selfless, but selfish with your time, energy, etc. Also, take time to find yourself and do the things that make you happy. Take time to practice self-care and not just face masks and pedicures, but mental self-care, making sure you’re working to become the best version of yourself. Don’t compromise your happiness for anyone or any relationship.

Tannika: Ok fun question. What is one fun fact your readers may not know about you and one fun thing you have been doing to cope with the quarantine and provide yourself with self-care?

Deandrea: Something my readers may not know about me is that I want to practice makeup on the side. Something fun I’ve been doing during quarantine to cope is learning how to do more hairstyles on myself, give myself pedicures and practice makeup.


For more information on writer and author, Deandrea Moore, and to order I’ll Take Wine With That, visit https://winenwords.com/.

God Is More Than Enough

This morning I was led to reflect on and search the scriptures about the following:

God is more than enough.

Thoughts of insignificancy ravages many of our minds. They repeat over and over again that “I’m not good enough”, “I don’t have much”, “they have more or it all”, “I won’t make it”, “if only I had more of”, “I am nothing without him/her/this career/this title”. We are constantly being delivered messages from the enemy, our pasts, our fears and failures, those around us and from what we see on television or on social media. Our past and present can bombard us with reminders of what we need or think we need, what we lost or what we are losing. Moreover, those messages we get from television or social media try to convince us, and often times succeed, that we are only somebody when we have this or that. However, those things will never be enough because those gratifications may satisfy us and give us a temporary fulfillment but not a lasting, deep fulfillment. I have learned that true fulfillment can only come through the One who created us and first loved us–God.

When I started pondering about “God is more than enough” and searching the scriptures, the chorus or hook of a song popped into my head. It is a Hip Hop song, titled You’re All I Need, whose hook was based from a greater oldie titled You’re All I Need To Get By by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell. The Hip Hop song is rapped and sung by Method Man and Mary J. Blige. This is one of my Hip Hop faves.

“You’re alll I needddd…to get byyyy iii iii.”

I began singing this to God noting that God is more than enough. He is the Source to my resources. He is my Father, my Maker, my First Love, my Present Help in the time of trouble. My Shield, my Protector, my Provider, the One who breathes life into me every day. The One who gave His only begotten Son so I could have true and eternal life and reconciliation back with Him. He is the only One that brings stability and certainty to my life in a world that is broken and uncertain. He is the One that apart from Him I can do nothing. He is the One who loves me unfailingly and beyond measure. He is the One who gives me mercies daily, forgives me, and nurtures me through life and a world that can break me and discard me.

I researched scriptures to see where in God’s Word it confirmed God is more than enough and these are some scriptures that stood out:

  • Genesis 33:11 reminds me that because of God’s graciousness I have more than enough. How has God been gracious to you? Find the glory of God displayed in also the small things. What spiritual gifts, talents, opportunities, blessings has God given you that give God glory and exude God’s nature as well as His love for you and others?

  • John 3:16 reminds me that God sacrificed so greatly for me because He thought I (and you) was more than enough. We were of such great worth to Him that He would give someone of such great worth to Himself, His only Son, to die for you and me. For that God is more than enough. His love is unmeasurable, unmatchable, and unfailing. How has God’s love and sacrifice made a difference in your life? Why may God’s love be more than enough in your life? What would life be like without the blood of Jesus?

  • The entire Psalms 23 reminds me that God is more than enough. This psalm helps identify how much of a blessing and necessity God’s existence and presence is to me and my life. He’s all I need to get by. He’s all I need to survive. God is not just my provider but resting place. My shield, my present help in the time of trouble, the source to my resources. What needs of yours has God met this week? Why is believing and embracing God as more than enough than seeking fulfillment in things and others? How does Psalm 23 reassure you that God is with you and more than enough?
  • I found other scriptures that reminds me that God is more than enough but I don’t want to be too lengthy. What scriptures can you find that remind you that God is more than enough?

I leave you with these other words from the interlude verse of Mary J. Blige. Sing these words today to the Lord. He is more than enough. He deserves your quality time, worship, and full surrender.

Like sweet morning dew
I took one look at you
And it was plain to see
You were my destiny
With you I’ll spend my time
I’ll dedicate my life, I’ll sacrifice for you
Dedicate my life to you


Happy Saturday loves,

Tannika

Put your shoes on honey, our journeys await!