Playing Back Your Mental Tape (Bring It To The Surface)

After coming across and watching several videos lately on pretty privilege, colorism, anxiety, and a variety of life topics, I realize how brave many people are to address or express their experiences or views on such. And then I think about my own experiences in life and realize that we all have some things on our mental tape (minds and hearts) to deal with. What views and perspectives did you come to take on about yourself? How did your experiences shape how you see yourself? What patterns, traumas and events in your life fuel the way you approach life, family, work?

I thought about how certain things have been on my mental tape. Some have stopped playing. Some are rewinded back. Some are being scratched out and recorded over. But there are many things on it. And I suppose there are many things on yours. I was once asked when I was young if I was adopted or found somewhere (I am not adopted; I am my mother’s daughter). At the time, out of my mom and sister, I was the only one who was of a medium brown complexion. I don’t remember all of what I felt. But I do remember that it stuck with me and when I went home, I told my mom. And I remember a family member having my other family members laughing at me saying basically I smelled (I don’t think I did; I hope I didn’t lol, but I was a kid). I cried that night. And I forgot that when I told an adult the next day what happened that night, there was complete silence. Another time, in high school, I remember boarding a school bus to head to our homecoming game and one of my classmates came to sit by me.

Another classmate who came to sit across from him asked him why was he sitting next to me. I remained quiet but that too stuck with me. I was determined to have a good time at the game and show school spirit that I decided not to dwell on it. Fast forward to an adult, there was a smear campaign against me at work I had to endure that I thought I would never get through. I cried on a regular and was so hurt. There is heartbreak I had to endure from my first serious relationship. I remember he broke up with me over the phone. I remembered feeling like can he hurry it up. Just get it over with. I was angry and hurt. As soon as we ended the call, I remember looking out the window of the rear end of the bus. I was so glad I had chose the seat at the very back because I silently cried my heart out. Tears streamed down my face.

There are countless childhood and adulthood memories that as I typed were popping up in my mind. However, I am grateful for the healing journey that I am on and most likely will continue throughout my life. And that is okay. Growth and healing is and should be constant. I am also grateful that I don’t dwell on these things nor bear unforgiveness towards those who have played a part in these events that have left hurt or trauma in my heart.

Thanks to the Holy Spirit, the grace to do the healing homework and commitment to stay on the journey, I have learned some of the triggers to my anxiety. I have learned more about my flaws and why I may respond the way I do. I have learned some of my self-perceptions. I have felt not worthy and sometimes not pretty enough. I have felt like I have to give more, do more and be more to be enough (not all the time but I have noticed that this is how I generally feel). But God. Renewing my mind is crucial. Saturating in the Word of God is imperative. Learning to see myself in the eyes of God and love myself with His love can help me not only process what is on my mental tape but also add new things to it that will remind me I am enough. I am loved.

Moreover, this is not a woe is me message. I do have self esteem and confidence (this is growing). I do have happy moments and memories in my childhood and adulthood. I do have those who have affirmed me and supported me. But like any human, I have had and have still trauma and pain, disappointments and heartbreaks that I too have to heal and grow from. And in order to heal, you have to be able to allow some things to come to the surface. You can’t keep pain, old patterns, and feelings bottled up and hidden. Allow God to bring them to the surface. Safely explore these to see what is holding up the strongholds and generational curses in your life as well as feelings of not feeling like you are enough, anger, bitterness, and unforgiveness in your heart and mind.

Have these conversations with God first, yourself, with a therapist and someone you can trust. Let the healing journey begin.

————————————————————

Bring It To The Surface Poetry & Journal available now at Amazon.

Juneteenth

In honor of Juneteenth and our ancestors, here is a poem I wrote today. It is titled, Juneteenth.

Your blood called out from the fields

And the sea

From the lands of Africa to America, it travelled far.

Divided families, mutilated bodies, and broken hearts

Centuries of trauma

Loads of pain

Hard to carry

Yet, you remained

Resilient

And prayerful

You learned to communicate in songs of unity and soul

Yet all the more with routes and warnings, hope and expression

I couldn’t imagine the stress and fear you felt, let alone the depression

One by one you begin to fight

Through the tracks of a secret railroad

And the united conductors and station masters you fled

You rose, like Black Moses,

and you led

You spoke and you learned to read

Even if it meant whips and death

Your hope fought through turmoil and pain

Oppression and hate

Your bodies were weary, your souls were drained

On Juneteenth of 1865

They informed you, you were free

No longer bound by chains and slavery

Through the continued years of advocacy, hope, fight and travail,

The future generations could now excel

And be recognized for all of our contributions and the life that exist within us

The fight that exist within us

The resilience despite the plight against us.

There is still generational trauma and racism that preside

But thanks to you, our ancestors, we have learned to persevere and our perseverance has not died.

We can proudly say that we love who God created us to be.

We are Black, we are human, and we are free.

Learn How To Fight

Just recently, I had the privilege of getting an awesome word from my cousin-in-law. We talked about anxiety and fear, and we also talked about being afraid to fight and not being use to fighting. She encouraged me so. My heart was full.

I went on to talk about these topics with my sister and we concluded that sometimes it may not always be we are used to not fighting but that we are afraid of conflict. And sometimes we are afraid we won’t be able to respond the way we need to or even hold up during the fight or conflict.

And just this morning, as I prepared to walk the dog, I walked past the tv that had been left on and saw a clip of Divergent. One of my favorite movies. The clip was Four getting ready to take Tris in to the landscape of his mind to show her how to prepare for the final test. She can’t just do things how she would normally do them. She can’t just rush through or even avoid some things. She must show that she is indeed Dauntless and not that she is (spoiler alert) divergent. And so this clip made the lightbulb go on in my head. I immediately thought about fighting. Not the throwing up fists and releasing punches but getting back up and persevering. Fighting with wisdom and faith and resilience. Fighting strategically.

Just maybe during this season, God is teaching me how to fight. We can’t always avoid a fight. We can’t always run. And we can’t, like Tris, rush through it and respond the way we normally would. Each fight may require a different strategy. And my cousin-in-law said something similar. Oh my, I am getting full again. This fight may be different than the previous fight. You may need to do more than praying, sis. You may have to fast. You may have to cut some things off and out.

It is found via Google search that “fear not/do not be afraid” is written in the Bible 365 times. God has to remind us daily to not be afraid. God wants us to remember who We belong to and that the war has already been won. He wants us to also know that we have a strong defense team (He, His Son and Spirit as well as His angels) and the best tactical gear (the armor of God and prayer as well as worship) in the world and heavens.

So, why is God teaching us how to fight or to fight in this season?

1. God wants us to face our fears. Just like Four and Tris had to face their fears in the landscapes of their minds, God wants us to face ours. He also wants us take every thought captive. Destroy every proud obstacle that keeps us from knowing Him. There is a war going on in our minds and the best way to bring peace to our minds is to train our minds to catch, check and change certain thoughts that do not line up with the word and will of God. Or the love of God. We should even check thoughts that may not seem detrimental or harmful and see if they are sowing seeds of confusion, distraction and complacency with the world, fear, etc. Fears as they say are false evidence appearing real but to our minds it feels so real. And our fears can stem from so much trauma in our lives that it is normal to feel the way we feel. But God doesn’t want our identities and lives to be rooted in fear. He wants us to overcome and live fruitfully. We can’t fully live if our lives are fully rooted in fear.

2. God wants us to learn how to fight. God has strategies to overcome and to persevere. He has plans that always succeed. And He has promises that awaits us. His wisdom is supreme and it can aid us and save us from making poor decisions sometimes made due to fear and emotions. And like I mentioned before, the next fight may be a different kind of fight and may need a different kind of strategy. God may want us to be still during this fight to learn that He will defend us and to build our confidence in Him. Or He may want us to increase in prayer and fasting. We may need to be much bolder and let some things fall off of us. We may be carrying so much pain and so many distractions that prevent us from fighting effectively and consistently. So, He may call us away to Himself to heal and reorganize our priorities. We need to seek Him diligently and saturate in His Word. Find scriptures concerning our issues, problems, battles and meditate on and pray these scriptures. Just because we are afraid of the backlash from the enemy, afraid that our loved ones will be uncomfortable or afraid that no one in our circle will fight with us doesn’t mean the battle will go away. And God is Almighty and with us. The devil’s fate is sealed. And he already lost the war. God got you. We must learn to fight and learn to trust God.

3. God wants us to know that we are not alone and that we are joining the fight with other believers and for others, saved and unsaved, who need us to step up to the battle line. Tris had Four to help her. Tris had to realize that Four and many others like her needed someone to stand in the gap and make a difference. There are generational curses that need to broken in our families. There are children who need our intercession. There are churches that need revival and marriages that need reviving. There are sick people that need healing. There are people that need deliverance. There are some people that just need to experience God’s love and joy, especially during the uncertain moments of their lives.

So, be encouraged. Today, you may not feel like fighting. That is okay. Say thank You, Lord, for a new day. Start there. And then continue to listen for His voice on how to proceed throughout the day.

Scriptures For This Post:

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.
II Timothy 1:7 NKJV
https://bible.com/bible/114/2ti.1.7.NKJV

Wherever you hear the sound of the trumpet, join us there. Our God will fight for us!”
Nehemiah 4:20 NIV
https://nehemiah.bible/nehemiah-4-20

They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord.
Jeremiah 1:19 NIV
https://jeremiah.bible/jeremiah-1-19

For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal but mighty in God for pulling down strongholds, casting down arguments and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, bringing every thought into captivity to the obedience of Christ, and being ready to punish all disobedience when your obedience is fulfilled.
II Corinthians 10:3‭-‬6 NKJV
https://bible.com/bible/114/2co.10.3-6.NKJV

These are the nations the Lord left to test all those Israelites who had not experienced any of the wars in Canaan (he did this only to teach warfare to the descendants of the Israelites who had not had previous battle experience): They were left to test the Israelites to see whether they would obey the Lord’s commands, which he had given their ancestors through Moses.
Judges 3:1‭-‬2‭, ‬4 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/jdg.3.1-4.NIV

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
James 1:2‭-‬5 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/jas.1.2-5.NIV

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.
Ephesians 6:10‭-‬18 NIV
https://bible.com/bible/111/eph.6.10-18.NIV

❤,

Tannika🤓

Bring It To The Surface available now at Amazon.

Bring It To The Surface Bible Reading Plan

We lose a lot of things along the way in our journeys of life like confidence and hope, and sometimes ourselves. Some of us are fighting to regain our health mentally or physically. Some of us are carrying loads of pain and hiding behind masks, no pun intended. But God! He wants us to heal. He wants us to grow. He wants us to be free. I am so excited to bring to you this Bible Reading Plan titled after my latest book, Bring It To The Surface. So, grab your bible and I pray you allow God to bring some things to the surface so that your healing and recovery can start today. And for those already on your healing journeys, I pray this encourages you to not abandon the process and to seek and trust God one day at a time. It is a five day reading plan and its purpose is to guide you towards seeking God for your healing and recovery. So, welcome and enjoy, and let’s draw near to God who loves us beyond measure.

To get the Bring It To The Surface Bible Plan, please subscribe below to our email list for updates, giveaways, new book announcements and more. Your email will not be shared with any third parties.

Available now on Amazon!

Bring It To The Surface

Throwback Thursday: Go To War

Happy Thursday! This throwback originally published on September 9, 2016 is a must read for this season. We must remember that we are in a battle whether we want to be or not. Please read this throwback and make sure you put on daily, besides your mask, the full armor of God.


Recently, while reading the bible, I realized this wasn’t just my daily routine reading (which it should never become just “I read it just to say I read it”). I was reading Deuteronomy 20. This chapter details Moses teaching Israel the laws for going to war. I realized God was speaking to me. In fact, He was teaching me and revealing to me things I had not come to understand until now.

GOING TO WAR

When you go to war against your enemies and see horses and chariots and an army greater than yours, do not be afraid of them, because the Lord your God, who brought you up out of Egypt, will be with you. 2 When you are about to go into battle, the priest shall come forward and address the army. 3 He shall say: “Hear, Israel: Today you are going into battle against your enemies. Do not be fainthearted or afraid; do not panic or be terrified by them. 4 For the Lord your God is the one who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.”

5 The officers shall say to the army: “Has anyone built a new house and not yet begun to live in it? Let him go home, or he may die in battle and someone else may begin to live in it. 6 Has anyone planted a vineyard and not begun to enjoy it? Let him go home, or he may die in battle and someone else enjoys it. 7 Has anyone become pledged to a woman and not married her? Let him go home, or he may die in battle and someone else marry her.” 8 Then the officers shall add, “Is anyone afraid or fainthearted? Let him go home so that his fellow soldiers will not become disheartened too.” 9 When the officers have finished speaking to the army, they shall appoint commanders over it.

10 When you march up to attack a city, make its people an offer of peace. 11 If they accept and open their gates, all the people in it shall be subject to forced labor and shall work for you. 12 If they refuse to make peace and they engage you in battle, lay siege to that city. 13 When the Lord your God delivers it into your hand, put to the sword all the men in it. 14 As for the women, the children, the livestock and everything else in the city, you may take these as plunder for yourselves. And you may use the plunder the Lord your God gives you from your enemies. 15 This is how you are to treat all the cities that are at a distance from you and do not belong to the nations nearby.

16 However, in the cities of the nations the Lord your God is giving you as an inheritance, do not leave alive anything that breathes. 17 Completely destroy[a] them—the Hittites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites—as the Lord your God has commanded you. 18 Otherwise, they will teach you to follow all the detestable things they do in worshiping their gods, and you will sin against the Lord your God.

19 When you lay siege to a city for a long time, fighting against it to capture it, do not destroy its trees by putting an ax to them, because you can eat their fruit. Do not cut them down. Are the trees people, that you should besiege them?[b] 20 However, you may cut down trees that you know are not fruit trees and use them to build siege works until the city at war with you falls.—Deuteronomy 20

BATTLING

Plenty of times in my life, I’ve let the devil intimidate me. I start to focus on the problems, storms, and the SIZE of my God-given assignments and subsequently my weaknesses and insecurities to keep me from fulfilling the things God has for me to do and overcome. I have went to the battlefield trembling and unprepared to put up a fight. I have had battles at work, in my relationships, and with anxiety and fear. Yet, we all have battles and you probably either just came out of a fight or going in one. Real talk, this is life. No journey is all roses and beautiful green grassy fields. Sometimes, your fields become brown and your grass becomes flat because Goliath stepping all in it and messing it up. But God!

For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.—Ephesians 6:12 KJV

As always, here are some Tools to encourage you along your Journey!

You have to remember that although some battles you may lose and some fights may wear you out, Jesus won the war and every believer is on the winning team. You are more than a conqueror and God has given you every weapon you will ever need to beat the devil’s behind and walk victoriously. Here is what I learned about going to war:

  • Don’t be afraid.

Naturally, you begin to assess your opponent’s strengths as well as your weaknesses. The devil gets you to do that—focus on the problem, focus on how he can retaliate, and what can further go wrong. He loves to intimidate.

God will neither leave you, nor forsake you.

God will fight for you.

Jesus doesn’t just have the solutions; He is the SOLUTION!

  • Talk with a spiritual authority and especially JESUS FIRST.

A spiritual authority/mentor such as your pastor will help you to get some clarity on the situation.

They will encourage you.

They will intercede for you and pray with you.

  • Get your affairs in order.

Put things in perspective.

Pray for God’s perspective so you can see it the way He does.

Assess how and when you should be “fighting”. Do you just pray and be quiet? Do you seek outside help? Is this a preparation period or a go period?

Have you forgiven others and have you mended what God has told you to mend? Are you walking in love? Are you providing for your household?

Is this really a battle or a diversionary one? The devil loves to distract us.

  • Are you pessimistic?

Do you have disbelief that God can move and do what He said He will do? Are you surrounded by other believers like this?

If you are pessimistic, those fears, disbelief and negativity can rub off on others.

Get with people who not only will help you to search God’s Word on the matter but believe and fight with you and vice versa.

Get with believers who remember that they already won because they are on the winning team.

  • When you are struggling with someone, be a peacemaker.

Don’t go looking to fight naturally.

Handle any wars period spiritually for we wrestle not against flesh and blood. Right? I know some people TAKE you there. Sometimes, I too have to catch even my thoughts because that is where the suggestions of giving someone an old fashioned butt whooping starts. Jesus, help us!

Perhaps that person is too struggling with something and cannot see clearly. Perhaps they are not. In any event, ask God for wisdom.

God will make your enemies your footstool, but the key is to LOVE and don’t be so proud. Love them anyway no matter the outcome.

  • Check the sin in your life.

Take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ Jesus.

Cherish sin no more.

Ask God to reveal the root cause of any sin in your life and give you grace to repent.

Repent wholeheartedly.

  • Be a life-giver and a fruit-bearer.

When you are hurt and wounded, sick and frustrated, tired and fed up, you can do and say things you regret.

You can make decisions that you would later regret.

You can take every innocent thing a person does and think it was meant for harm, become easily offended, and want to retaliate as well as cut people off for good.

Don’t destroy others around you. Don’t stunt the growth of your love walk and yourself.

  • Finally, OBEY GOD and saturate in His Word.

His Word is synonymous to His wisdom and His will. You need all three: His Word, His Wisdom, and His Will.

God’s Word is a weapon.

Obedience is better than sacrifice. Obedience to God protects you, helps you and brings you prosperity.

JESUS used the Word against the enemy when he was tested. Jesus won! https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Matthew+4

  • Bonus: Pray and Praise! Talk with God and praise His Holy Name! Prayer and praise too are weapons!

Now GO TO WAR!

Put your shoes on honey, our journeys await,

Tannika

_________________________________________

To check out my new book, Bring It To The Surface, click here!

Let It Surface

I am so excited about completing my new book. I didn’t know it would lead to the theme it has now, but God has me on a healing journey and the title change was so imperative. This healing journey has been one that has been lengthy, uncomfortable, challenging, yet imperative, enlightening, and such a blessing. I have discovered, thanks to the Holy Spirit and His grace to not abandon the process, so many things about myself. I have learned some triggers to my anxiety and where certain fears began. I am also learning to trust God and receive His unfailing love. I am learning to see myself the way God does. Moreover, prayer, learning to be transparent with God as well with others, facing my fears (one at a time), the Word of God, therapy, learning to be more present with myself, others and God are some things that have been crucial to this journey. (Note: I am still a work in progress.) Writing is another component of this journey and it has served as an outlet to express myself, learn, and cope. I have realized that my writing also serves as a tool to encourage others. My book, Bring It To The Surface, is not only full of poetic inspiration and encouragement but a journal to help you too to start your journey of healing and provide a space for self-reflection.

If you are feeling empty or lost, hurt or hopeless, stripped or depleted, know God who began a good work in you shall continue to perform it until the day of Christ Jesus. Know that He will also never leave you, nor forsake you. Whatever it is the enemy has killed, stolen, and destroyed in your life, God can revive, recover, and restore. And in order to heal and receive the abundant life Jesus came to give us, we have to allow God to bring some things to the surface. We can trust God who first loved us and gave His only begotten Son in order for you and me to have an eternal love and life. So, let the healing begin. Confess it, express it and then address it. God can handle your pain and God can provide the answers you need. I am so excited for this book to reach your hands and heart, and I pray you allow God to bring some things to the surface.


Available on Amazon now!!!!!!

Introducing My New Book!

Hey Loves,

I am so excited to introduce to you my new book!!!! I have finally finished it and it is now available in the Kindle Store. The paperback version has been updated and is now available on Amazon. So, please get your copy or your ebook version now. This is my fourth poetry book and this one is different from my others. Watch the video and found out how!

Bring It To The Surface

Watch “Bring It To The Surface” on YouTube

Hey loves, please watch, share, and like my new video/recording of my new poem Bring It To The Surface.

Tannika❤

Click on the link below⬇

Bring It To The Surface

2020

I wrote this poem a couple or few months ago but made a few edits recently. This year has been said to be a horrible year, and we are just five months and six days down. This year started off rough for me and has continued on to be a challenge. In fact these past four years or so have been challenging (I use the word challenging because they were still blessings and I have learned so much). However, I remember when this year had just started a lot of people exclaimed that this would be the year of 2020 vision, clarity, the best year, and so forth. One thing for sure it has definitely been a year of clarity. It is like the curtain is being pushed back. But for me personally, this is another year of learning to trust God, another year of healing, and a year where God is drawing me closer to reprioritize and organize so that He can be first and everything else can fall in its right place. And this is the year for me to understand how to overcome and overcome those things that were draining me as well as distracting me, trying to keep me out of my destiny, and from healing and growing. So, this year is an uncomfortable one for me, and I bet it is uncomfortable for many others but this discomfort is needed. Let God open up our eyes and let God sit us down to have those personal and generational talks with each of us. Be willing and lean on Him for grace to receive His truth and His heart.


2020

I see you trying to be still

Trying to keep joy in the midst of chaos and sinking hill

This world is sick

And all signs point to last days

Some of us are so numb that with every new event we are unfazed

The spirit of deception is

Filling the airwaves and skies

Increasing also corruption and lies

People are dying and life ain’t the same

Coronavirus is spreading and taking lives

And it doesn’t care about your money, fame, or name

The foundation of our land

Is crumbling fast

From the seeds sown today as well as the past

Division and Racism

Pride and ego

Corroding the core of our foundation

Nation against nation

Money and fame are our gods

Fear and emotional disarray

Increasing every day

Everybody wants their own way

Envy and lust for power

The enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy

he shows up to work every day ready to devour

The fatherless and the widow, not to mention those whose hope is shrinking

And everyone in between

Authenticity of Identity and Empathy has left the scene

Some of our love for others and ourselves are sour

And some of us trying to find our voice and not cower

There is little respect and more destruction of the Black flower

Fighting to survive every hour

Police corruption and racial bias

My skin is a threat

No empathy or sympathy for me

They would say I deserved my death

Senseless violence

And pent up pain in our hearts

Many of our youth are lost

We must save our children

And receive the abundant life

But some of us are afraid to take up our cross and count the cost

Dreams and destinies fill the grave

Anxiety and depression are soaring

We have a lot of Elijahs hiding in the cave

Fear of persecution

Fear of being alone

We are living in times where wrong is right and right is wrong

We are drowning in despair

Reaching for someone to stop and truly care

We are starving for integrity,

Humility, and real love

And needing answers that only God can supply from above

By Tannika Moore